Taking on the holidays: Grief
As you approach the holiday season of 2021, are you one of the millions of Americans who are taking on this holiday season for the first time without a loved one? Grief has been an intimate part of the 2021 experience for innumerable people. And those who are in the midst of grief may find themselves wishing that the holiday season would just pass by or that they could fast forward to the next year without facing some of these incredibly challenging firsts.
If you are experiencing grief this holiday season or approaching holiday firsts without someone important to you in your world, please know that you are not alone, and the quality support exists to lessen the pain of some of these challenging events. Here are five things to consider as you take on grief this holiday season.
Acknowledge that this is hard- this may seem like a simplistic first step, but grief is hard! We said it. Grief is hard! We are not going to pretend that it is easy, that it is no big deal, that it’s just a part of life. Acknowledging that it is hard, that it hurts, and that it is messy is often the first step in truly giving ourselves permission to grieve in the way our bodies and brains need.
Create space for all the feelings- grief is associated with numerous feelings, often cycling together in varying intensities, from sadness to anger, to denial, to moments of acceptance, and anywhere in between. Grief is complicated when it comes to our emotional responses, and the only way to manage those feelings is to create space for them. Creating space for feelings can look like many different things depending on your grieving process and what may feel safe. Some people are able to create physical space to feel these feelings, be that in their own home, i6n a grief share group, or other physical spaces. Some people create that space through journaling, music, or meditative or spiritual practices. Think about what it might look like for you to “create space“ for the feelings. It may take a bit of time to try a few different things, but the important thing is that we’re feeling the feelings. It is the only way to move through them.
Find your healthy people to remember with you- If you are familiar with the grieving process, you are very familiar with the truth that everyone grieves differently. And some people grieve in healthy, productive ways, while others and not so healthy ways. As you seek to walk through this season of grief, identify and find those people that can connect with you in grief in healthy, supportive ways. Identify those who create safe spaces for all of your feelings and intentionally connect with those safe people during the season.
Rituals/ intentional remembering can be healing- emotions love tangible outlets or action-oriented processes. If you are struggling to connect with the loved one you lost, think about an action-oriented way that you may be able to connect with a piece of your loved one. That may include: cooking a dish that reminds them of the person that was lost, participating in some song, activity, movie, or activity that is associated with a person who is lost, even visiting a place that was important to that person, be it as formal as a cemetery visit, or informal as a favorite restaurant, park, or place of significance for them. If we can place actions in our remembrance process, our body can put pieces together and feel more empowered and tangibly moving through our grieving process.
Find new ways to create space for the good- it can feel counterintuitive to participate in celebration while also participating and experiencing deep sadness, loss, and grief. The reality is, the human body and brain can experience both. Often, the most accurate emotional response to a situation that we are in maybe a mix of positive and painful emotions at the same time. In the therapy world, we refer to this idea as “dialectal feeling,” which means two emotions can be present and accurate in the same moment. So as you are approaching this holiday season, create space for the grief, the sadness, the emptiness, and the hard, and create a safe space for the joy, the silliness, the excitement, the stillness, and the peace. Sometimes we have to create separate spaces intentionally for those feelings to exist on the same day, and sometimes, with a bit of practice, we can create space for both of those feelings at the same time or in the same moment. Permitting yourself to let both feelings exist can be an incredibly empowering and healthy way to honor both your grieving process and the gift of life that’s in front of you in the present moment.
If you are struggling with grief or loss this holiday season, professional counseling and therapy services may be beneficial in helping you navigate the unique challenges of your circumstances. Our team of trained therapists are happy to help those in the DFW area from our Arlington, Texas-based counseling office. If you are not local to the Arlington area, online therapy services are available for all Texas residence. Contact us today to learn more about how therapy service may be able to help you.
