Why Do Happy Occasions Make Us Sad Sometimes?
Have you ever experienced a situation? Where are you anticipated to be filled with joy and happiness, but for some reason, you were overwhelmed, or taken aback by feelings of sadness? Did you know that experiencing sadness and what “should be“ a happy or joy filled experience is actually incredibly common? While this may be a perplexing phenomenon for many who experience sadness during happy events, it’s actually quite normal. Today we are going to take some time to unpack this interesting phenomenon of sadness on happy occasions.
Understanding the Paradox: Happy Occasions and Sadness
In order to understand the reason that sadness may occur during happy events, we do have to take a moment to understand and consider what we often refer to as the paradox of emotions, or dialectical feelings. This basic concept embodies the idea that more than one feeling, or experience can exist at the same time. Many times do we like to categorize events as a single emotion or experience, for most people, the reality of experiences is paradoxical, dialectical, or much more complex than a single emotional state. This is the basis of DBT therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. A meta-analysis comparing multiple studies on the complexity of “mixed emotion” experiences identifies that complex, mixed, or paradoxical emotions are an extremely prevalent experience within the human population it is actually able to statistically prove the trend and existence of these paradoxical or complex emotional experiences in the population (1).
Psychological Factors Influencing Sadness During Happy Occasions
There are also some interesting, psychological factors that take place during happy events based on how we perceive, others expect us to respond and feel during, these types of celebrations. It’s very common that individuals are expected to be overjoyed, chipper, happy, and generally in a good mood during times of celebration. And it is our perception that others expect us to behave and present in these positive ways. However, if one encounters a feeling of sadness or an emotion that is in contrast to the way that we expect to feel or that we anticipate others to expect us to feel, additional psychological factors can compound.
In a study, published in 2022, the researchers report that our perception of societal pressure to be happy is actually linked with decreased overall well-being and increased feelings of sadness (2). So, when we expect others to want or anticipate us to feel a certain way, and maybe we experience some feelings that are counter or contradictory to that expectation, it actually makes the contradictory feelings, in this case, sadness, more significant and intense.
Personal Factors Contributing to Emotional Complexity
Celebratory events are also highly associated with feelings of nostalgia, reminiscing, and reflecting upon different elements of the past. And while nostalgia can be a positive thing for some, generally speaking, there is some sense of loss, longing, or feelings of sadness that is often associated with nostalgia. One study notes that the vast majority of nostalgia experiences are associated with complex emotional experiences, including both positive feelings of connection and more challenging feelings, including grief, loss, sadness, or disconnection (3). When we consider that celebratory events, elicit feelings of nostalgia, and nostalgia is highly associated with these complex feelings, it is actually quite understandable, while feelings or seasons of joy may also be associated with feelings of great sadness.
So the next time you attend, an event that should be filled with joy and celebration, and a pain of sadness, longing, or disconnection, creeps in, embrace it. Know that you are human, and that we are complex beings. We can create space for all the feelings to be present at a single time. The sadness that you were experiencing does not discount or diminish the joy and celebration that you can still experience. The feelings of longing or grief, for those who are not present, do not have to take away from the warmth and connection that you can experience in those moments.
And if you are struggling with sadness, depression, or anxiety, and feel that you could benefit from some professional support, our team of therapists are here to help. With online therapy resources, and our in-person therapy office in Arlington, Texas, we have options to serve the needs of many.
