Taking on the Holidays: 7 healthy steps for parents
Parenting is hard! Parenting in the holiday season can be really hard. And parenting while managing your own mental health needs like anxiety, depression, mood dysregulation, and trauma can at times feel almost impossible.
But be encouraged, you are not alone, and there are ways to manage your own mental health needs while also creating fun, festive memories for your family. So as you take on parenting this holiday season, here are seven steps that you can take to increase the mental and emotional well-being of you and your family while also participating in the fun parts of the holiday season.
Know your priorities- choose your yes’s, and no’s— when you look at your family calendar, are you overwhelmed with the number of events, school parties, social events, and family celebrations that you are expected to be at over the next couple of months? It can be pretty overwhelming at times, and the expectation to attend all the events, watch all of the holiday movies, and create meaningful traditions and memories can just feel too much. The truth is, it likely is too much. Choosing your yes’s, and no’s, means choosing the events that are important to you and your family and saying no to the events that are not as important. This can be a great way to optimize the energy and resources and make your yes’s worth it. You do not have to do all of the things, and teaching and modeling for your children which priorities are most important can also be a great life lesson to learn in the process.
Discuss expectation- As you approach this holiday season, think about the expectations you have for each of the events you attend. And then think about what the expectations of your children, partner, spouse, or other family members or friends may be as well. Clearly articulated expectations can help avoid disappointment, as disappointment can be a fast track to a meltdown for anyone.
Get the adults on the same page- we often focus on managing kids’ needs when it comes to holiday festivities and reigning in the chaos, but when we are honest, adults often play a major role in children’s responses. It is important to set clear expectations with the other adults involved as a way to set your kids up for success. This may mean taking the time to communicate expectations with grandparents or other family members, setting boundaries where they are needed, and having a united front, message, and plan from the big people surrounding your kids.
Know where there is wiggle room and where there is not. It is impossible to say yes to all things. There are certain activities, non-negotiables, and essential stability items for your family that you likely need to maintain. Take an inventory of the things that help bring stability to your family. Think about financial stability, emotional stability, spiritual stability, physical stability, etc. Be realistic with where there is wiggle room to stretch and where there is not. Some kids, for example, can rebound from staying up late a couple of nights in a row with minimal repercussions, and others really cannot. Some kids can eat all the junk food with mild impact, and some truly will suffer in terms of behavioral regulation, physical wellness, etc. Think about your family, in the ways that you can stretch and adapt during this holiday season, in the ways that you do need to create some strict guidelines for success and health for all of the members of your family.
Model self-care and self-regulation- Stress happens, especially in seasons of overwhelm and business. As you take on your stress is this holiday season, be intentional about managing those stresses and caring for yourself. In the process, see this is an opportunity to model how you regulate and care for yourself to your children. Moms and dads or caregivers do not have to have it together all the time. We are human beings that need care and sometimes have big feelings too. What a great way to model for the little ones around you to see how you can manage your own feelings and care for yourself in the process.
Connect with a bigger purpose- holidays are often associated with more significant messages, whether religiously oriented, value-based, or otherwise. Think about the values for your family that you would like to communicate and emphasize. What is this holiday season about for your family? How can you work intentional conversations, activities, and lessons surrounding your family’s values into the season? Be intentional and make sure that those yeses that we just discussed align with the values you desire for your family and your children. We have to make those yeses matter!
Plan in some downtime— by the time you make it through your holiday season, you will be tired, and your kids will be worn out. To make it to 2022 in the best of shape, be intentional about planning downtime, time to organize, rest, and reset at various points throughout the holiday season. Not every moment has to be jam-packed full of energy activities, and teaching and modeling rest can be a great way to create a culture of self-care and balance in your home.
If you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, mood dysregulation, or trauma / PTSD-related symptoms this holiday season, support and help are available. Professional counselors and therapists are trained in evidence-based models to support these mental health needs and treat and minimize anxiety, depression, mood, and trauma-related symptoms. If you are located in the DFW area, our team will welcome you into our Arlington, TX-based therapy office. We also offer online therapy services to all Texas residents. If you’re struggling this holiday season, help is available.
